View source for Fireside Chat Transcript 6 Mar 2k22

 Alright boys and girls, before everybody gets here, if you have friends and court members who are on the fence about attending this one, I can't say this in the ping as much, but we are gearing up for a military deployment of the Jeff, and we're going to be doing that within this next week.
 So poke your friends and let them know that this is a pre-Jeff deployment announcement fireside and get them here. We're going to shake the dust off and get kinetic.
 So Jeff, Gaff, Gif, Jif, we're going to be doing a thing with it. LFA, Guff. Alright.
 So here's the deal. I fucking hate peace. Everybody fucking hates peace. In EVE Online, it is boring. We are not going to full-scale alliance deployment war or anything like that, but I'm sick of getting up here on firesides and talking about peacetime programs and saying joint six and squads and whatever.
 I'm not going to give up too many details about what we're doing here because it's a fireside and our enemies love when I spell out exactly what we're going to do.
 What is going to happen is as follows. We are going to a Jeff, which is the goon swarm expeditionary force. Have fun with mispronouncing it however the fuck you feel like.
 We're going to be getting together and over the course of this next week, I'll probably look for pings towards the gearing up of next weekend, right? So we're probably Friday-ish. There's going to be pings going out.
 I'm not going to commit to a precise time because that would be stupid. Sometime in this next upcoming weekend before I get to the next fireside, we are going to be sending Jeff out to a place to do a thing.
 Now, as a reminder, if you're new to the organization and you were not around during our last Jeff deployment, the last time we sent Yif out there, it was 2020, and some idiot who was in charge of this alliance decided that he wanted to try to conquer Losec again.
 And after the seventh time of trying and failing to conquer Losec, people tell me you can't conquer that. It just sort of bothers me and I try and try and try. And after about seven times, it didn't work out too well.
 We deployed against stuffed out, and that was when we discovered that all of the galaxy was coming after us because ProGodLegend couldn't keep his mouth shut.
 We are not going to be deploying as far away this time. That deployment was in the northern area of Cloud Ring. The one that we're going to be doing here is going to be relatively close to home. You will still be able to reinforce your shit from 1 to Q1.
 We have a wonderful bridge network that we're going to be utilizing. So this is advanced warning to everyone to shake the dust off. Make sure that you have your usual doctrines ready to rock.
 We're not going to be specifying the doctrines right now, what we're going to be doing, but that will be announced.
 The Jeff is an optional thing. This is not like we are deploying the Imperium. It's not like we are deploying the Alliance, but it's a step above saying SIGs and squads, right?
 Like SIGs and squads are sent around to do their own thing. In many cases, we don't send them. They send themselves.
 This is going to be a slightly more organized and centralized PvP content deployment, TM.
 And you're going to find out who we're going to be murdering inside of the next five to six days.
 Questions about is this person coming back? Is that person coming back? Who is coming back? Who is doing what? We're not going to be answering those questions on the fireside.
 We are going to be sending people to shoot things.
 And yeah, so what's going to be happening with that is when the Jeff group is up and running and all of the IT people have done what they need to do to bless it, we will be sending broadcasts with more information on how to get involved.
 But essentially what you're going to need to do as a line member, if you are interested in participating in the war and murder, which is totally not a war, it's a PvP content deployment, whatever.
 Just make sure that you have fixed your shit, that you have the usual hacks ready to go. So Munins and Eagles.
 And we are hoping that in the midst of this, the battleship patches, the battleship change are going to come through.
 We don't know when that's going to happen. It could be any given Tuesday. But if CCD gives us something fun to play around with, we may also play around with that.
 But again, we can't commit to that right now because the March patch is coming at some point. We just don't know when.
 We're going to be getting to the auto-fellatio advice. Actually, we have an entire thread for auto-fellatio advice.
 And this is very important, I think, for everyone who is curious about these things.
 Some high quality held on posting. All right. So I was wondering whether we were active for this.
 And I'm glad that we do. And I'm delighted that Heidi went ahead and linked that because that gives us an action item for those of you that are not involved.
 So if you have not been part of a Jeff deployment before, I want several hundred people, if not more, to get involved in this.
 Right. Like we are saying we're going to get off our asses and go do a thing.
 And I want us to actually do that and ideally skip a process of flopping around ineptly and figuring out how to shot web.
 Right. I want us to spend the next few days getting ready for this.
 Join the Jeff deployment. Head and click on the links that Heidi has put there to join that group that will help get you access to the affiliated Jabber rooms.
 And you can get involved in this. We have not done this since May of 2020.
 So there is going to be sort of a spinning up period for people joining the group, getting in Jabber, and then communicating the information to you guys who are involved in it.
 You know, we play these ones a little bit closer to our chest. We just don't want to like say, oh, we're going to go here. We're going to do a thing.
 We're not going to venal. I'll tell you that much. We're not going to go to fucking venal and face plant like Vince and that Jack Dive C did.
 There is a request to get a Jeff ping out to show who is still Jeffed up.
 That is actually a wonderful request of somebody who is not me and has access to those pings can do that, please.
 While I hearth the board of some of ours. Thank you. Wonderful. Thank you, Sniper Eagle.
 So, yeah, we're going to send a ping. So if you do not receive this ping when it goes out, that will be well, we'll tell you when it goes. Let me take a look.
 I'm slightly distracted today because we have a crack team of roofers at the house today. There's like 10 men banging around on the roof.
 So as I'm doing this fireside, if it sounds like I'm getting a little bit distracted, it's because I'm like, hey, guys, here's the doctors we're using. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.
 But conveniently, my microphone is pretty good. And the Kremlin meeting was telling me that they couldn't hear the excitement in the background the way that I can.
 So high fives all around. All right. So there have been a number of Jeff pings.
 And so if you have not received pings, you should be getting them from the director bot. And it goes to Jeff.
 If you are not in there, I recommend that you apply to the group. So, again, guys, this is a little bit of a step up from like a SIG and squad kind of thing, but it's not like a full blown alliance of deployment.
 This is really where we want to have a little bit more organization and people be more motivated to kill and destroy the things that we're going to be pointing out.
 And if you want to find out what we're going to be doing with these guys, join the group and you're going to find out in about five or six days when the pings begin going and we get this deployment rolling.
 All righty. Let me take some questions. We are going to be going into a little bit more details about other things.
 But before we move off the Jeff thing, I've got some questions here. Will we finally go to Pockvin? That is bingo bait.
 What about upcoming FC? If you are interested in doing some FCing, there has never been a better time to step up and get involved.
 Now, of course, one of the things that we did when we deployed in May of 2020 up to the north of Cloud Ring and attempted to invade Losec was we pretty much only had FC training stuff.
 Like we really did a lot of people, hey, let's give a chance to have some people that haven't FC before to do things.
 We fed a lot of sacrilegious and that convinced the rest of the galaxy that because we were training new FCs, idiots like ProGodLegend, Vili and that JackDaw FC, whose name I keep forgetting,
 they only look at the kill boards and they only think of the last fight. So they don't see, hey, this is a training operation.
 So somebody can get some hours, time and grade under their belt leading a fleet.
 They're like, oh, well, they lost lots of sacrilegious. So let's go ahead and form happy and invade them with everyone.
 And that ended very poorly for them. We are not going to be fucking around with any wacky doctrines this time around.
 Like again, like if the battleship stuff happens, there may be some some wackiness.
 I don't want to make any any promises or cut off any options for us. This is going to be mainline doctrine.
 It is going to be an amazing opportunity for people to step up as FCs, but it is not solely going to be a training deployment.
 This is actually it's not really a training deployment. We have targets we're going to be murdering.
 So please turn up and get involved. This is how we do it.
 If you are interested in FCing, join Skirmish Command. There are links in Elysium.
 Am I filming the roof orgy? No, I'm here at the battle station, Hurfingblurfs.
 There is going to be an FC 101 next weekend for new FCs in EUTZ, probably before the fireside.
 Thank you, Altarari. That sounds awesome. Yes. Also, Madfern.com. That was a shameless plug from Casador. Thank you.
 Check it out. Are the puppies still fucking around with NPC space? There are puppies in NPC space.
 There are goons in NPC space. Wherever there is NPC space, there is something to do, which is one of the reasons why I think it's all the more fascinating that so many of our enemies have decided to go hide into the deep drone region so that they can be away from any kind of hostile content.
 What is the difference?
 Actually, that's that's a really good one, Traillad.
 Will we be raiding NPC space like the rest of the dumb puppies did on ConLom? No, we will not.
 Madfern is US only. I don't want to turn this into a Madfern fireside. I do appreciate the interest, but I want a bunch of people joining Jeff and getting ready to murder.
 If you're already in Welp Squad, do you need to be in Jeff too? Yes. That's a really good question because it's an unexpected question.
 Jeff is its own forum group. It's its own Jabber group. It's its own thing. You need to be part of Jeff to get Jeff broadcasts.
 We have not deployed Jeff since May of 2020, so it's been a bit and that's why we're I'm glad you asked that so we can like re-explain all this shit.
 Yeah. Will Skirmish commanders be getting pinged to lead or backseat Jeff fleets or do you need to apply to a Jeff specific FC group?
 I do not believe you need to be in a Jeff specific FC group, but I could be wrong.
 Good question. I think just the normal Skirmish groups will work just fine.
 But you should get in Jeff like this is this is a thing.
 So this is the way that we project power during relative peacetime when we're not at full scale war.
 It's a step above SIGs and squads, which again, you can have one SIG and squad in one area of the galaxy and another over there.
 There's a little bit more oversight. There's a little bit more coordination.
 There is a bit more of a hey, here is the list of targets that need to be purged.
 This is why this is what they're doing. And you will find out more about that when you join Jeff and start getting those pings.
 Are capitals getting deployed with Jeff or should we stock up on sub caps instead?
 That is a great question to ask and you would get the answer if you were in Jeff.
 There you go. Go ahead and click that link to make all of your dreams come true.
 So again, guys, like we haven't done much besides wretched peacetime and SIGs and squads here for the last couple of months.
 And I really wish I could be like, hey, here's all the cool things we're going to be doing on this.
 But there's a balance between OPSEC and not. And this is a scenario where basically just join Jeff and we're going to kill these fucking puppies.
 That's basically all I'm going to tell you right now. OK. A few other things we need to do.
 First of all, there is a as a reminder, BP put this out here and it's absolutely true.
 For the next few weeks, we're going to have a little bit of daylight savings time excitement in the United States.
 Next Sunday is going to be daylight savings time. And I think that the rest of the EU actually does their swap at the end of March.
 So we are entering that yearly period of look at your EVE times carefully.
 And check out the World Time Zone link that is handy. All right. I have a request for some P.I. stuff.
 Now, do we have somebody here ready to link the P.I. thread? Goons.
 G.S.L. needs P.I. OK. Here we go. Rangers got all of it. So, look, I don't really know how to make more jokes about the situation that the Rattati administration's concept of prosperity or plexperity or whatever the fuck this not prosperity shit is.
 But the economy is still generally borked across EVE. We in the Imperium and we in Goonswarm are doing relatively well.
 I have no complaints about our economy and the way that you guys have been focusing on getting rich. And again, guys, in times of wretched peace, if you are already rich, make sure that you're helping getting your buddies that aren't rich, rich.
 Right. This is a thing we do. We have our Delft time unit. We always try to lap the puppies when it comes to economic production.
 As part of that, we need P.I. output and we really need P.I. because CCB has decided that that is important.
 So, again, this is a top down push. We need water proteins and bacterial bacteria. I think we also need chiral structures.
 But I could be wrong. All right. So check that out and set up your click fests if you haven't already.
 It is going to be good. The other three are more important than chiral structures. OK, listen to Ranger Gamma, not me.
 If I need protein, just ask the dudes on the roof and then maybe I'd show them the autofillage thread for some tips.
 Here is a question. Is the existing Delft reconstruction sheets indications of P.I. requirements up to date?
 And that is a good question that I am not qualified to answer, but Ranger probably is.
 Angry Mustache says, no, it is not, but he will make it so. Wonderful. Thank you. Thank you. Good.
 This is this is why we have Firesides. Hell yeah. The system works.
 Alphas cannot do P.I. Good question. All right. So I have a couple of corporate shout outs.
 One of the things that began the process of healing Mother Delft was our need to replace a shitload of citadels that had been burned by all of the piss pee puppies when we were trading space for time and preparing to annihilate them, which we then did.
 As you guys know, before the war, one of the challenges we had in Delft was that we pretty much, you know, we had no idea we would end up with like more than 4000 citadels in Delft or however many citadels we ended up having just sprawled around everywhere.
 And as you guys also know, in the postwar environment, Gzall has been super heroic about this, too.
 We have been very keen to make sure that any of the citadels that we are putting down are actually fit correctly and are in a tactically and strategically significant location as opposed to just scattered around everywhere.
 So postwar Delft, as you can see, is already a much more organized and sensible place than it was before, where we pretty much just had nerd creep and Cheetos splattered around the place.
 As part of that, when we kicked this situation off, we started the August-ish, it was like, "We need 400 Fortizar's."
 And I'm delighted to say that we are now down to much less than that required to have every place that we need done. Like, we're down to like 50 or less required.
 It has been a monumental effort from Gzall. It has been a monumental effort from a lot of our corps who have been donating to the Alliance to help rebuild Delft.
 And I've got a couple of good shoutouts here for Ascii, who have given us like 5 Fortizar's and another Keepstar recently.
 Muckdot had another good one. Let me get that specific. I've got to get scroll back here. I'm not whining about roofers.
 Keepstar, 5 Fortizar's, 6 Astrohooses, and a Sotio from Muckdot.
 And I've asked Gzall to actually get me a list of the top 10 corps and what they've donated, such that I can give a proper public shoutout on the fireside for this, because this has been tremendously helpful.
 This is one of the reasons why our economy is not shit compared to the rest of the galaxy, is that not only do we have things like the Gz's, but there has been a broad-based effort from the corporations in this Alliance to make sure that all of our shit is together and that we have actually useful tactical deployments of where you...
 It was a mess before, guys. The only way to describe it is if you remember what it was like before the puppies came to Delve, there was just a lot of places that needed to have Fortizar's, didn't. A lot of places were just disorganized. It was a mess.
 And we do not have that mess anymore. That is, in many ways, thanks to the corporations donating a shitload. So thank you guys.
 Alright, let me take a couple of questions and we're going to call it for today. The main thing is I want you guys telling your friends, because again, there has not been too much activity in EVE Online in this last week. We've noticed about a 15% decline in active players in all time zones. Part of that is Elden Ring, part of that is real-world unpleasantness.
 We are monitoring all of those situations. And also we just haven't had much of a war-related deployment or a combat deployment or anything to really get people hoofed up about. So for your friends who are not here on the fireside and are not hearing the news that we are gearing up to put our stompy boots on, please let them know and it's time to shake the dust off and generally get ready to kill some fucking puppies.
 Is Delve better off after the war? Yeah, it's actually a shitload better off. We did the best we could to go into siege mode with the amount of warning that we had in advance of the Vietnam War. So when we did the Jeff deployment in May of 2020, we got a lot of the intel about ProGodLegend not being able to shut up and we figured out what was happening.
 You guys remember we withdrew a couple of our keepstars from the North and generally went into siege mode back here in Delve. But this is our opportunity to rebuild the Empire, we pretty much have rebuilt the Empire. And now the Citadel defenses, their placement, their fittings, all of it is just way better than it was before and I'm super happy about that.
 Where do we turn in P.I. to help the Alliance? That is an excellent question and I believe if you pick the thread you'll see. I think you can throw it up on the market. Yeah, just throw it up on the market. As RangerGarmin says, "This fireside needs more hellmarch. If you want more hellmarch, you should participate in the Jeff deployment when you get the pings after you join the Jeff group and join Jeff, man. How does dreams come true?"
 And now I'm going to sit back and relax and watch all of the random hostile puppies that were actually listening to this try to speculate as to where we're going or what we're going to do. We are indeed going to not Delve. We are going to not Delve. It's going to be good.
 Did we mention the dev stuff yet? Boris, no we did not. Thank you. So this is a big deal. Boris, can you link the thread please? And then I'll explain what's going on here. We need more devs and we need a better coordinated coding system. We are launching a developers group. It is linked together both on Jabber and on the main Imperial Guard Discord.
 And Boris has taken point on this. Clavis is going to help manage the humans, which is going to be excellent because you need people-to-people with soft skills managing devs, typically speaking. Check that out. We are really looking for people to help on some of these bigger projects. You have individual developers who have been doing amazing things.
 Scroon has been coding so much. John Monti has coded so much. Boris has done a lot of this stuff. We have lots of different devs who have been doing things. And this is a developers group that are going to help us get some things that we desperately need, like say an internal moon tax app, which we've been promising the Kremlin for a while but haven't actually gotten to be able to get developed for a little bit.
 So there's just a bunch of shit that we really need. So please, please, please, please, please, if you are able to code and do useful things and are willing to help out, check out the developers SIG that Boris just linked in Elysium a little bit there. If you are a dev, it's open. And one of the things we're doing here is we're trying to make it easier for devs to code for the organization by having a lot of just open information about this is the stuff we're using, this is the language we're using, this is how you do it.
 As opposed to having it like it was in the past, where it was much more siloed and OPSEC-y and whatever. We've realized that we can communicate information in a much more open way while still just having better OPSEC at the higher end and not fretting about it so much. So get involved, please. We need devs.
 Boris, you can say some words here, please, if you'd like.
 If you're project managers, sure, Cyndiq, maybe. Just join. I have a Jumper channel, we have a Discord channel. Just join if you're interested and we'll figure out a few things.
 All right, one final thing. We are eventually going to be heading into the CSM silly season. And as you guys know, we haven't heard from CCP. CCP is usually very, when it comes to saying, "Hey, there's going to be CSM elections."
 We have figured out who our top three candidates are going to be this year. Of course, there are 10 slots on the ballot in the Imperium. We don't want you to have to think for yourselves. We're going to give you what the state is approving of so that you can exercise your right of choice to vote in exactly the way that the state suggests that you vote.
 And because of term limits, unfortunately, we are not going to be able to send and nominate our Merkel-chen again. We will be able to send Brisk, and especially as initiative has grown under Dirk Schein's aegis, I'm pretty confident we're going to be able to get him on.
 And so the ballot is going to be looking like Azzamir, Angry Mustache, and Brisk are going to be the top three serious business candidates. And we're going to see what we can do on four through 10.
 The way that the single transferable vote nonsense works, it's going to be doubtful if we can get people on, but I'm pretty confident that we can get Kaznir, Angry, and Brisk on as the next one.
 I don't know why these people keep volunteering to be CSMs. It has always struck me as a fucking punishment duty, and I'm like, "Oh, hey guys, have fun storming the castle."
 But hey, if they want to sit across the table from Ratatouille, that's great, and we're going to send them there.
 All right, that is going to be it for this week. What I really want you guys to do, we're not going to have another fireside where I'm like, "Herfety Blurf Jeff," right?
 Like we're saying, "Jeff's a thing. Join Jeff. Get ready, because between now and next weekend, Jeff is going to a place to do a thing, and I want you there so you can murder puppies with Jeff. Please join. It's going to be awesome."
 Thanks for coming, and we will see you next week.
 I'm gay.
 I, too, am gay.
 Check out the Autofellatio thread, guys, for tips and tricks.