- This guide is a supplement to the official "What to do in your first days of GoonWaffe" guides on the wiki. It is not meant to hurt you. It is here to help you understand how you can act so that you do not inadvertently annoy or injure your fellow Goons. Remember we have a strong focus on doing what’s best for OUR people. This is how you can help with that.
As such, strap in for some adult language and direct talking. In a large part this guide should help you get past the point where stressed language on the internet of things may inadvertently make you develop feelings. Keep calm, filter out the flavor text and read what is being said and possibly think for yourself why. This will help you see past that to the intent behind it. It is very important that you can adjust to read and understand the message behind the language. Older Goons may not stand on niceties and do not mince words.
This guide deals with our culture, and interactions with your fellow Goons. The things here are things you quickly learn not to do in the Imperium -- it is a time honored tradition of GSF that "outsiders" to our culture are hazed until they know better than to act like common pubbies.
The things here fall into several categories, and over time, you'll learn that some of them are more important than others. These include: Showing disregard for proper spelling and grammar. (There's a big difference between language barriers and not giving a fuck. We can generally tell the difference.) The shit that passes for humor/memes on social media and message boards. It's overdone. We've heard it. If you have to resort to "internet humor", then you are not funny, and we'll probably find trolling you until you ragequit, drop corp, or biomass far more entertaining. Memes and terminology from other alliances and "outside" EVE culture. Cringy edgelord shit. Other shit that's just so unoriginal and repetitive that we're collectively sick of it. The aim of this document is to prevent you from collapsing in a gibbering heap and quitting the game because you get trolled to hell in the first thread you post.
The Forums is where Serious Honour(e)able Spaceship Business is conducted. Fucking lurk before posting
- Never stop posting, but always respect the sacredness of posting by giving your posts the attention to detail they deserve. This means taking the time to write out actual words, paying attention to your grammar, spelling, and punctuation, and just generally making sure that your post adds something to the conversation.
- Please, for the love of God:
- Check your posts for grammar & spelling
- You're != your
- Their != there
- Hangar != hanger
- Etc. Check your damn homophones!
- Use 'O' when describing in game terms, e.g. desto.
- Be in Jabber (hyperlink to jabber page). We live in Jabber. We live by Jabber. The only reason you should be in game at all without working Jabber is to get someone's attention to help you fix Jabber. (The in game channel you’re looking for is “Little_bees”.)
- Shit up local at every opportunity, to the point that it is totally unusable with all the scrolling ASCII art and z0r chains. There is one exception. Sometimes the Fleet Commanders may ask you to NOT do this for reasons. Follow their orders. They may usually later on give you license to exercise your rights in this regard again.
- Rely on ingame communications. We shun the use of ingame communications, particularly in-game mails.
- After the initial "honeymoon" period, most EVE players fall into a pattern of only logging in when they are doing something - which means they are always too busy or too AFK to chat in game.
- The notifications with ingame chat suck. Especially when you start trying to run a dozen EVE clients at a time.
- Mail gets very annoying after reading it on your first 20 characters.
- Post 4chan memes. Just… no.
- Post stupid shitty Internet memes in general
- Post stupid Internet abbreviations. You're an adult, learn to mash the extra two fucking keys to spell out 'you'.
- Add words to the following list if you're not the CEO~
- Use any of these dodgy phrases without proper irony and context:
- o7, 7o, o>, etc.
- (un)ironic racism
- bullshit misogyny
- MRA shit
- entitled ratter whining
- In general: If you act like an uninventive pubbie fuckwit who only communicates in memes and catchphrases, you're doing it wrong. Shape up or fuck off.
- Things in the above list can sometimes be funny for ironic purposes but ironic joke threads are shitposts by nature so go hog wyld.
NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES
- Sign your posts. Your name is directly to the left of your post under your forum avatar. Unless your post is a giant wall of text dense with information, we're not going to forget who just posted about the best ways to make iskies for their toonies.
- Unless we are high as fuck and/or drunk. But, drunk / high threads are shitposts by definition so go hog wyld.
- Freak out over hearing a female on comms/reading a post obviously made by a female. If you shout or post something along the lines of "ERMAGERD A GIRL ON THE INTERNET GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN AND MAKE ME A SANDWICH" you will get brutally fucking murdered. You're not 12, that shit isn't funny, and you're a dick if you think it is. There are a number of women who play this terrible spaceship game with us and they pull their weight just as much as you. Usually more.
- Obsess over e-honor or "gudfites" or "content" or any of that other trite publet shit. There are no gudfites, there is no honor in space, we exist solely to shit upon everyone else's dreams. If you can't handle that, go join the Pandemic Horde or something. On a more serious note we fight in big letter serious business space wars against evil and hostile groups who absolutely will push any broken narrative they can to make you feel bad. These attitudes can ruin a fleet fight for everyone. The bad guys will blob you and disrespect anything like 1v1 in a heartbeat. Don’t buy into that shit. War has no rules like that. This does not mean you can’t have fun with it. But you don’t let something like this ruin the game for your fellow Goons!
Welcome to GoonWaffe
So you've podjumped (hyperlink Podjumping) down from the NPC Empires to our current home in 1DQ1-A, in the Delve region.
GoonWaffe station names all follow the same pattern:
[First few letters of system name] - [Unfunny station name]. Some of our allies name their stations obscure names that presumably some people in the alliance know the locations of but otherwise give no indication where the fuck it is. GF ~always~ has the system name in the station name. If a citadel station is rigged to help you build or refine or research something that will also usually be in the name. You can even right-click and bring up the information tab on a remote system and look under the structures tab to see what we may have in space over there.
Firstly, read the wiki. If you're lazy or can't find the answer to your question, ask in jabber or post in Gooniversity. There are plenty of people at the University of Goon who will help you, but they will assume a baseline level of knowledge. If you're too lazy to read the wiki, you'll likely be told to die and read the wiki anyway.
However, this is not the I've Just Joined Goonfleet, Now What? (hyperlink joined Goonwaffe what now?) page. You can work all the mundane stuff out there. This is a short primer to what you can expect your first few days in Goonwaffe to be like.
Secondly, be sure to skim over the Basic Rules of Behavior rules and policy. I say skim... fucking read it or get banned. We as a rule do not tolerate scamming or cheating other alliance members. That sort of behavior is best directed at people that aren't in our alliance or allied community, also referred to as "pubbies."
What To Expect
Newbie scouts save lives. Seriously. If you see something, find a way to tell the rest of us.
If you ever saw the butterfly effect trailer this is how events like that start. This can earn you your “I was there” moment too. Most of the really big fights in EVE happen because something happened like a Newbie shot a cyno jammer or spotted the enemy scouts moving in. The recent world record breaking fight at M2- happened precisely because one of our newbies shot the enemy cyno jammer into its repair timer… at just the most awkward moment for the bad guys.
That said we must warn you about language. The GoonSwarm attitude to newbies is a mixed one. Most people will help you out when you ask a question. Especially if you ask in the right places like Gooniversity and Little_bees where the people who man the typewriters are committed to helping. But at the same time many of the other people you may run into on fleets may mock you even as they provide the answers. Please don't get mad when someone trolls you. People will crack jokes at you and burn you and insult you almost constantly. Don't get offended by it, because you will get told to "kill yourself" by random internet people almost daily. This is the internet of things. Nerds aren’t always going to be their better selves. If someone is a “cunt” to you, you have the right and responsibility to tell them to “eat a bowl of flaming dicks and die”. Seriously, stand the fuck up for yourself.
Goons can be utter cunts, trolls, terrible posters and queers. Get used to it. It will speed your transformation from a mewling, know-nothing, hairless pseudo-pubbie into a death-dealing, hairy-chested, whiskey-swilling beast. The older generation nerds will remember the “harden the fuck up” song. This is where you develop the thick skin you need.
You will be expected to throw yourself into the fray, if you can, when something like this pops up on jabber. (11:55:35 PM) directorbot: Time to push shit in! Join Vee's fleet, "shit pushing". Mumble op1. Rifters > else. To join up, click the Fleet button on the main ingame panel (far left) and open the fleet finder tab. Then get fleets and join the proper one! Also fire up your mumble and join the fleet voice channel. In our above example that would be under the Ops>Op Channels>Op1 directory.
Do not think that because you are a newbie you aren't allowed on ops. Newbies are always allowed on ops. Always. No exceptions, and don't let anyone tell you differently. Well, okay, technically newbies can't come if we're running covert drops, but that's just because of the mechanics of blackops bridges requiring a ship that can fit a covert ops cloak, not because we don't want you (we'll probably have you hook up with a conventional gang if we're going in as backup). Train into bombers, they're fun and covops are dead useful. Almost all of our other fleet doctrines have a new player friendly support or tackle ship in there. If they don’t, then there is usually another fleet spun up for that. And if you see something like “tackle>else” this means your new player tackle frigate or vigil gets to come along. There is also a GS_frigates in-game channel where some of the older goons may hand out free frigates before fights. You need to be docked at the 1DQ keepstar to receive those.
Please please please, don't think that because you're a newbie, you should wait for someone to explain things to you in case you fuck up. If you habitually cite this as a reason to not join ops, expect an FC to drag you kicking and screaming into the op then pod you until you see the error of your ways. Tough love works!
The best way to learn is in the field. The worst that will happen is you will die. Which isn't bad at all. Announce that you're a complete newbie fucktard to the gang and they'll walk you through what you need to do.
Many FCs ask if they have newbies in the gang and whoever pipes up gets assigned scout duty. They are expendable and in a fast ship. Scouting is a good way to learn what goes on in a gang so you understand the reasons behind decisions made by the commander
Defense ops are important. If hostiles are reported in the system, get a defense gang going. Try to clear out hostiles when you see them. Or at least report them in intel channels.
Read Fleet Commanding For Newbies (hyperlink Fleetcommanding for Newbees) to get an idea on how to lead a fleet if you're a beginner. On that note, remember that we are not a dictatorship when it comes to leading fleets. Anyone can take charge. Don't wait for an experienced player to start a fleet, do it yourself. Get them killed, respawn, fly out again, learn.
On Ops For a more detailed writeup check Fleet Op Basics (hyperlink Fleetop Basics) You will go out with small gangs most of the time, but most nights there are large fleet ops. These often consist of the entire spectrum of ships, ranging from your lowly frigate through to dreadnoughts and carriers. The etiquette for these is covered in detail in other places in the Wiki, but here is a condensed version. Mumble (hyperlink mumble) is heavily moderated (hyperlink mumble rules) on fleet ops. Whereas in smaller roaming gangs folks tend to lift the restrictions on Mumble use, opening it to general bullshit chatter, you are expected to stay quiet on Mumble while on fleet ops. Unless you're flying with DBRB (hyperlink DBRB page). The reason for this is that commanders are often talking to each other and coordinating and they hate it when someone pipes up and asks what time it is. They are in a channel above the fleets, so they can hear everyone speaking in the channels lower down the tree. But you can’t hear them talking up there. So you could be blundering by talking over someone important! Obey ALL orders. Instantly. Your life is unimportant. You WILL die doing whatever the FC (Fleet Commander) tells you to do. It's your job. If lacking orders, find something expensive and tackle it. Call out the tackle on Mumble: "POINT ON [whatever]" Revel in the fact that you just ruined someone's day in your 200k ISK ship. Primary targets are always that: Primary. Drop whatever you're doing and focus on tackling or killing him. Listen for gate statuses. Green means jump through the gate. Red means DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES JUMP THROUGH. EVER. It doesn't matter if you KNOW the other side is clear. The FC has a reason for telling you to hold. NEVER say the “Jump” word, even if you’re just asking. Not all of us speak English that well. This leads to misunderstandings. Rather ask the FC if the gate is red. Pay attention to DBRB's dog. It might save your life. DBRB, on the other hand, probably won't. RIP DBRB's dog never forget best FC in Goonwaffe. Look at the picture at the top of the page. SHUT UP! NEVER, in serious ops, backchat an FC. This isn’t the time for it. NEVER, in ANY op, mention any capital or supercapital ships that may be assisting your fleet. If the FC does so, there's a reason for it. You don't have one, and doing so is likely to make folks call you out as a spy. It is, however, both acceptable and mildly amusing to refer to a surprise capital ship as though it's a friendly subcap you weren't expecting. IE: "Well hello there, surprise Tornado!". If the FC dies or nobody is calling primaries, just pick an expensive target like a battleship or HAC/Recon and call it out. If you have a suggestion to make, please talk to the FC post facto or convo them. Don't interfere mid-combat. EVER. Once things are quiet again the FC’s will usually have a debrief among themselves anyway. So it’s better after the fleet is over. Not while they still have a gazillion flying plates coming at them.
Making Money Starting out, you'll find Delve and the surrounding 0.0 regions quite difficult to rat in due to the large number of roaming hostiles. Don't despair, help is always around. Firstly, don't be ashamed to ask your squad mates for money, however begging in alliance chat is a good way to get trolled. Newbies are poor and to a lot of pilots, 10m ISK is pennies. There are modules on the market that they use that are worth 3-4x that. Please see our Newbee guide to Spacebux for more
Other Games to Ruin Space goons often play other games together besides eve. Most of these can be found in the Games subforum with some of the more active examples listed below. World of Tanks and the official WoT clan Minecraft wiki article. Terraria League of Legends Tribes: Ascend Many can easily be played while shooting POS or waiting for someone to get done yelling at DBRB for losing a cap fleet.