Fireside Chat Transcript 3 Apr 2k22
From Goon Wiki
All right boys and girls, we're gonna get started here in a hot minute. I have a bunch of information for you and some dumbass pubs to mock, including our dear friend Constantine the Sincere. We also have a bunch of F2 stuff. We have some doctrine tweaks and really just a bunch of good shit. Once the numbers stabilize, we will begin. Get your bingo cards ready. Give it about two minutes and we'll start. Alrighty, I want to congratulate everybody for making it to this fireside. It is not only after all of the Daylight Saving Times hijinks over the last month for both the US and the Euros, we had a delay today on account of murdering puppies, which is the best kind of delay. As usual, and this is absolutely not bingo bait, ask your questions in Elysium@conference.goonfleet.com. That is where we do the thing. If you are new to the Alliance and you try to ask questions in like a mumble sidebar or something, I have it in minimal mode. I literally will not see it. So, every good campaign is more fun, at least in my world, if there's a villain of the piece. Now, of course, we're not officially at a campaign here. We're doing SIGs and squads and Jeff and we're supporting our allies. The initiative is balls deep in Esoteria, wreaking havoc, and so are we. But over this last week where we had our little entertaining fight where we set 620 billion of our isk on fire to achieve a necessary objective, apparently our enemies decided that if they couldn't handle a even slightly negative battle report, they were gonna run for the hills. And in the midst of this, a little-known autocrat who had never really gotten much attention before decided that he wanted to hear some blurfs in front of the entire galaxy. That, of course, being our dear friend Constantine the Sincere. I call him the Sincere because he speaks only the truth. He is a very credible person. And so when he accuses me of having been completely inactive in the game for months and of being a notorious coke addict, you can tell it's true because he's Constantine the Sincere, known truth teller. Anyways, this fucking dumbass has been leading Legion of Death. You might not have known that, I think, until Saturday when he was sending these dumbass pings. If somebody has screenshots of said dumbass pings, please link them in Elysium so people who haven't gotten the memo can laugh at him. If somebody has a link to Cryo's hilarious Baghdad Bob meme from the other day, I'd like to see that too. These guys are pappies. They are the core alliance in Final Reunion Coalition, and they were there throughout the Vietnam War. Usually in small numbers, kind of like Army of Mangos, you'd see, you know, 20 or 30 of them, but they were still pappies. They were all friends, and they have escaped consequences. They have escaped consequences until now, as Faith Abolis is getting set on fire, and the future is bright with the flames of their destroyed ambitions. And anyway, so this dumbass pops up out of nowhere and decides he wants to hearf some blurfs. So the fireside was delayed. We were literally dropping a cap plate on top of him and killing another fucking IHUB. So that's cool and good. If we do not regularly use our military, if we do not regularly exercise our muscles, particularly the knife-twisting muscles, right, when the enemy is beginning to turn and run and shirk and make excuses, if we don't exercise those muscles, we might not be able to twist the knife in the future, and we always must be able to do that. It is important. You guys remember when we broke Pappy in August of last year, and the Great Route began, how critical it was to shatter their jump bridges, to interfere with their evacuations, and to just flood the zone with fear and suspicion. And we have begun doing that again. So I want to encourage you to join SIGs and squads. I want to encourage you to join Jeff. I want you to use this opportunities as we shatter these puppies and send these Pappys fleeing to work on your F2s. There are a bunch of critical skills that we must maintain as an organization. GSFOE needs people. We are out there popping IHUBS. I think we literally just finished popping an IHUB, and there is more purging going on. GSFOE, if you are new to the organization, is our offensive hacking group. It is how we handle the whole Fossil Sov thing. The guys have it dialed in with a system. We always need people in GSFOE. If you are interested in learning how to be a skirmish commander, if you are skirmish curious, there has never been a better time than to get involved with the Goon Fleet Expeditionary Force. This is where we do it. And another thing that I really want to point out, as we are having more of these 1,000 people on Mumble, large-scale conflicts in a region just next door to us, functionally speaking, scouts, scouts, scouts, scouts, scouts, scouts, scouts. It is critically important, and I have loved to see some of our old heroes from the past ages popping up, like of course Ektor, who is infamous for his quality as a scout. We always need more scouts. We need more eyeballs. We need regular reporting, because right now, this zone of combat is in flux. There are reports of some of our enemies unanchoring their structures. Maybe you've heard of what happens when these things occur. Now, I haven't gotten that confirmed. I was just seeing that earlier, but there is an area in Faith Abolis where there are some structures of test alliance, please ignore, and apparently they are executing their favorite maneuver, which is trying to uproot and run. And when our enemies begin to run, that is where we twist the knife. That is where this comes in. So it's not just about getting in Jeff Fleets. It's not just about getting out there and hacking and learning how to scout and learning how to be an SC. These are pappies, and if they are breaking, this is our opportunity for reprisals. This is why we are here, to punish them like we punished Army of Mangos, like we will punish all of our foes that are still proud to be pappies. These people escaped the consequences of their actions. A year and a half they cheered and clapped. For your extermination, they insisted that you were bad people for coming here and listening to me. And we have not forgotten. We will not forget this. Anyway, the point is that we're going to put our fucking boots on their throat, and we are going to stomp down as hard as we possibly can, because this is what happens when you fuck with us. And this is why we have to keep those muscles strong, because the opportunity for a boot on the throat doesn't come around every fucking day. It's been a while since we've really had a few regents, potentially, potentially, if we do the work, potentially at our mercy. A lot more fun for me as the Space Emperor dude talking about peacetime stuff. Peacetime is important because it enables us to prepare to crush the throats of our deserving and despised foes. And that is where we are. So please get involved. Now, as part of that, I have a bunch of military shit to go over, which is lovely. First of all, we're fighting a lot of Eagle Fleets. We have been fighting vultures. When you are seeing a Baltech fleet go out, I need you, and I need you all to remind each other, to aim for a balance of Megathrons and Apocs. You need to have that. We need the actual lasers, because otherwise we're just going to be constantly shooting Eagles, having, you know, Kyntherm, and it's bad. We need the Apocs. And to incentivize you on getting a half and half balance, and this is only, this is pimp fit stuff. This is not a formal doctrine. You will not get fancy reimbursement for this. But those of you who are wealthy goons, the kind of motherfuckers that roll hard and don't dock their faction toys, that are using marshals on stupid idiot fleets, for you guys, we have an official pimp fit napoc that is going to go into this doctrine, right? It is only for people that want to pimp it. You will get standard Apoc reimbursement. We're not going to go crazy with this yet. But for those of you that want to flex and fly a napoc and a fucking Baltech fleet, you can do that. And I'm not sure if Aurindus has posted it yet. We're a little bit late on the fireside, so I'm not sure if he's actually here. I think he's actually on the Op being a fucking lodge anchor right now, so we will get that. I believe that the doctrine thread has been posted with it. But we're 45 minutes late because we're murdering puppies, so that's the best way to be late on a fireside, is because we were crushing the dreams of our despised foes. Speaking of crushing our dreams of our despised foes, there is cap training after the fireside today. Again, the fireside was delayed, but Dave Archer and the crew are all going to get together on the test server, and we are going to teach you how to use your caps in anger. If you are rusty, keep in mind that your woodchipper skills from the Vietnam War are critically important here. One of the last couple of engagements we've had, in fact, what we just did there, we are abusing our carrier skills. We are good at carriers. We are good at fighters now because we had to use them constantly during the war. We want to keep those skills sharp, and we are going to be dropping caps on enemy head whenever and wherever is reasonably possible, because fuck them, that's why. There we go. The napalm has now been updated and added to that thread. If you are on the fleet that is currently shooting targets in a place, make sure that you check Fleet Chat. For people that are on fleets or unable to log into the game for whatever reason during the cap training Op that's going to happen after this, Dave Archer has a really wonderful thing which is it will be streamed because there are a lot of requests for that, so people who can't get online for cap training will be able to watch it and hear the instructions and learn how to shot web. I have a couple of other comments. This is now related to our IT great unfuckening. We have had amazing progress because the developers have been busting ass for weeks now. They are more integrated. We have fixed the ACA app, as you guys know, which was super handy before we whelped a bunch of shit. We are working on the Capswarm app situation. We are making progress there. Skillchecker, I'm not sure whether it's actually ready for primetime or not, but there was a big movement there. Ha ha ha. Also, guys, so I want people, I've been requested to ask for people to do this. Do this in Director Bot, don't do it in Elysium. Here we go. The Adj has a thing here. Perfect. Coming soon to a website near you. So there's a preview of this. If your ESI keys are failing still, there's a way for you to do this. Go to Director Bot and type !me, like so. But do it in Director Bot so you don't clog Elysium. You're going to clog Elysium anyway. Do whatever makes you happy. But the point is, if you have failed or failing keys, to re-register them. The gang has done a shitload of work and we believe that this is now fixed. And there you go. A question about the link to streaming for the cap training. I'm assuming that when the pings for cap training go out, that they will ping the stream so people can tune in to it. But basically, because of a shitload of work, our heroic developers have sort of mucked out the Ogion stables. It's not completely done, but I'm happy to get up here and report to you guys that our core architecture is beginning to be unfucked. And ultimately, like I said in the Kremlin meeting earlier, the responsibility for that is on me. It's my job to look at the gross, nasty bits of things that are broken and insist that they get done. As opposed to going, "Oh, it's CCP's fault. Let's think about war." So I'm delighted that we are finally unfucking this stuff. And we're going to do our damnedest to make sure that it stays that way and that we can develop new capabilities. Okay. Now, what else we got? I have two major points. One is, of course, fuck all pathies forever. And the second one is we still need PI. We need PI, we need PI, we need PI at an alliance level. And you're going to get a link to, I believe, a thread from Rat Knight, which we link every fucking fireside. And this is, of course, a consequence of the fact that CCP has kind of rat fucked the entire economy of the game of EVE Online. That continues to be the case. It is annoying. But because this is the Imperium and we prepare for things in advance and we do not have our heads completely shoved up our asses, only partially, we are weathering the storm better than our enemies, who apparently can't replace less caps like we can. But hey, it's cool. Check it out. ESI is updating properly at this point. If your stuff is busted still, re-register your characters. If it still doesn't work after doing that, please post in the thread that the adj just linked. If you are interested in joining the developer group, check out the thread. They're at Grozerkenadavuli. Sorry, that's kind of hard to pronounce. Just linked. There you go. I'm going to take some questions here and then we're going to get back to stabbing, purging, and killing. Fish update after the move. Good question. So the fish are all alive and healthy, which is kind of surprising because, you know, moving them in a 10-hour car ride over two days might be sort of... Actually, it was only one day we did it. We were... Anyway, it could have been a problem and we managed to get them here and nobody has died and we've been here for three weeks now, which is lovely. The internet is working wonderfully. The lake is beautiful and hopefully in a week or two we will get to actual spring in Michigan. I know that this is a shock to everyone who has been hearing me give firesides week after week after week, but according to Konstantin the Sincere, I have been completely disengaged with the Alliance and not around because I've been doing too much blow or whatever. What are we doing with Faith Abolis after kicking the papi out? We are not giving a single fuck. Not one fuck will be given about Faith Abolis once we are done purging the papi assets. And that continues for any other regions which we may hypothetically be purging after Faith Abolis. We will also not give a fuck about them as we go glassing. If you were with us in 2019 when we went up north and we torched all of Vince's shit, we went there, we mowed everything down, and then we let a thousand flowers bloom as we fucked off. I don't want these regions. The Imperium doesn't want these regions. There will be people that come in and I'm sure will try to do something. I don't care. The goal of this reprisal is these motherfuckers in these regions have been untouched by a scouring for a long, long time. And guess what? They're all papis. They're all papis. These are all former papi or current papi regions that have been left unscathed. They have not suffered for the consequences of their actions against the Imperium, and that is what we are bringing. What happens to the regions afterwards, we don't really care. We are not going to be setting up some sort of a pre-war scenario where there's a whole bunch of people living there that, you know, we had a non-invasion pact with Legacy, which of course Vili and ProGodLegend tried to break and be shitty about and whatever. Anyway, fuck those guys. They lost. But the point is that we're not doing that again. We're not doing that again. We don't give a fuck about these regions except there's papi stuff there. We're going to blow that shit up and keep blowing up papi shit until it's time to fuck off back home. There are not any serious papi... there's not any serious... Syndic has a question that there's not any papi assets in Providence. There's not really any papi assets in Providence. That's not a thing. All right. So that is essentially it. I want us in full knife twist mode. If you have an opportunity to go on Jefffleet, Sigs, and Squadfleets, any sort of thing, I want you to do it. As far as Delve goes and what you're doing at home, the Locust fleets have been working wonderfully. Please join the Locust Sig and get rich, my goons. Get rich. So at home, you're Locusting, you're doing your thing. At war, you are joining Jeff, you are getting involved in Sigs and Squads, you're doing GSFOE, Scourge Command, practicing your F2s, doing Scout stuff, and making sure that anything that is former papi within our tantrum radius as we scythe through Faith Abolis towards parts unknown, I want it all to die. Especially as they're wibbling and on the run. Fuck these people. I want it torched. The only way that these guys are going to get away with this stuff, the only way that they're going to get away with this as they're breaking and running, is if we give up and half-ass the glassing. I do not want that. It is time to make an example. So, because it is time to make an example, that is the end of today's fireside. I want you to get back out there, I want you to twist the fucking knife. Fuck these people. Death to all papis. Fuck 'em. I will see you next week.