Fireside Chat Transcript 8 Aug 2k21
From Goon Wiki
Alright boys and girls, I know many of you are on purge fleet so we're gonna keep this one relatively quick because we have a shitload of work to do and I don't want to spend an hour talking because I also just spent an hour talking to the Kremlin and we had a very productive meeting, the end result of which you will all be happy about. So keep purging and don't worry we're gonna get recordings of this because Kahanas is here and he's got his F2 and we're gonna do the thing. Alright if you're new, and nobody's new, at least see him at conference.goonfleet.com you guys know the drill by now. Jesus, the mini love forum unfortunately is not open to all I don't believe but Joe Painter and the Ministry of Love deserve many shoutouts here, the amount of murder that they have engaged in and destroying test and pappy remnant evac freighters and jump freighters is fantastic. You guys are doing lovely, keep it the fuck up. No mercy. Yeah just take a look at the fucking losses of freighters here that were linked and also jump freighters it's pretty fucking cool. So here we are. It's another Saturday. Things have been very busy since Monday for me and for a lot of us time stopped on Monday when Pappy failed the dismount and disintegrated on the landing pad and we have been doing some heroic fucking work since then. I want you guys to understand in the midst of all the blood fire and frenzy and fury that what you are accomplishing and what you have been accomplishing since Monday is something that has never been done before at this scale in video games so far. Never let the enemy forget that the Vietnam War is the largest conflict in the history of nerd slap fights and now we have them on the run and the greatest rout in the history of online gaming is taking place and you are making that happen and you will continue to make that happen because we're going to keep this fucking piece up until every last keep star that the hostiles put down in our space is dead including T5ZI. The enemy has fucked up the dismount so badly going to pieces on Monday that all those months that I told everyone that T5ZI keep star would die last, all that's out the window. One of the rules of strategy is you don't blow up a golden bridge because you don't want your enemy to be desperate and have to win which is what the enemy did to us and we were desperate and we had to win. To be fair they didn't actually make us that much desperate but whatever. But in this case Pappy doesn't exist as a functional entity. It is only Pappy remnants who are fleeing as fast as they possibly can. T5ZI dies, YZ9 dies, everything dies. It is on us now. It is on us as the Imperium to manage this task. To do the 300 timers a day to make sure that nothing gets through. The enemy's resistance has collapsed. Therefore every single brave citadel that successfully unanchors, every single test citadel that successfully unanchors, every single severance citadel that unanchors is a failure that we must own. Our foe is on the run. We are shelling their evac path. We are twisting the knife. I ask you, I ask you to purge more. Tonight we must go to Quarious. Again we must ensure that no brave citadels successfully unanchor. We do not have to see every timer all the way through. We just must interrupt their unanchors. It takes seven days to unanchor a citadel. If you interrupt it by reinforcing it they have to start that process all over again. Everything dies. No mercy. Everything dies. And that is on us to make sure that it happens and we will see it through. I am very proud of you. But we are going to save all of the I am very proud of you gold star stuff until later because we have bitches to kill and citadels to purge and a little bit of Sov left to see through I guess. There might be some Sov somewhere in period bases. There's a little bit more we got to do. Quarious has got to get fucking torched. No escape. No mercy. Now as part of that we just had a Kremlin meeting and I got another series of questions which are entirely reasonable about what is our recruitment policy. Corp directors need to know this because there are a lot of good pappies. There are a lot of good pappies right now who were never very gurgling who were just following orders. They were good pappies. And now that we are doing to them what they promised to do to us they want to join the Imperium good pappies good pappies. They just clapped and cheered for headliner and Vilian Pro God legend and Elfboy because they had to. They're good pappies. Hail Caesar says Marcus Murphy. There are no good pappies. And immediately there is a two month long recruiting ban on allowing anyone who has a pappy corp history in the fucking Imperium. One of the things I want you all to understand here we are not going back to normal. We are not going back to peacetime. The Great Crusade has begun. This empire is awakening. We are becoming the crisis. Fuck all puppies forever. No mercy. No mercy means they don't get to join us because we don't want them. We don't want spineless cowards that cheer and clap for headliner and Pro God legend and then make excuses. I don't want these wretched fuck sticks like the covenant given motherfucker who is trying to like we don't want these people. The reason why we have stood against the entire galaxy for 13 months and more is because we don't want people who are not interested in the greater good. We don't want people who don't care about the Imperium as a whole. We don't want spineless wretches who flip when it would make their lives easy. We don't want these people. There are enemies. There are no good pappies. Always check their post histories and shove it in their faces. No mercy. No mercy. T5ZI dies as soon as it is possible for it to die. YZ9 dies as soon as it is possible for it to die. We will keep this pace going until everything that they put down in Mother Delve is scourged and then we will harvest all of their industry jobs and all of their cores that they thought they were safe to put in our space because they believed their own bullshit and they believed Pro God legend. There are no good pappies. Fuck them. No mercy. We must teach the galaxy because fucking pubby fools, they believed that would be just after the normal war because in pappy land, when one side loses a war, they just swap sides. In pappy land, when you say, "Oh, I'm going to do a war of extermination," then, "Oh, let's go hang out on talk shows together. Everything was fine. Good fight, good fight, good fight." In pappy land, none of the things that they did should ever result in consequences or accountability for the good pappies. Fuck them. No mercy ever. So, what are we going to do? There's going to be changes. Our goal is to increase our power level far beyond that of our enemies. I know that every five years, all of these dumb motherfuckers are going to get together and say again, "It's time to attack the goon." They're going to do this again like they do like clockwork. We are not going to go to peacetime. We are simply between phases of our eternal war. The entire galaxy has banded together and what they have done is created an awakened empire and we are going to become the fucking crisis. That is the direction we are going in. So, you are going to be seeing as you are purging, we are making some pretty radical changes to the bones of how we run this fucking thing. We have the goon fleet economic zone system, which has been sticky to the worm. You can see it for yourself. So, we have a new increasingly optimized way of doing PVE. That's the one of something we're going to be working on. Similarly, just like as the Romans, every time they made a fucking camp, they did it exactly the same way and they had an optimized way to do it. We are going to be doing the same for our military setup when it comes to our constellations. When this war began, Fortress Delve was not optimized because we did not have citadels when we first came down here. We didn't know what we were doing. We didn't know we would end up with 66 fucking setio scattered around Delve in a non-optimized way. We had no idea we'd end up with all these keep stars falling out of our pockets. But now we know what to plan for. And so everything is going to be planned, optimized, and regulated accordingly. You as a line member are not going to have to worry about those regulations because it's simply a matter of saying at a corporate level, right, this citadel can go here, the citadel can go there. You can't put citadels over there. And if you do something, it has to be fit correctly and blah, blah, blah. Basically, we're not going to make the same mistakes. We are going to create in the galactic Southwest, the ultimate nightmare fortress. We are going to make Fortress Delve 50 times worse than it was before. This place is going to become like what the fucking iron warriors did when they were setting a trap for the fucking imperial fists. Take your nerd analogy of choice. We are going ham. We know they're going to be coming after us again as soon as they can. We know that there are no good pappies. We know that it is only a matter of time and therefore it is on us to make damn sure that everything that they have burns, that none of their spineless trash flips sides and joins us. With the possible exception of I would recruit AlphaStarPilot and Niduspar that both seem like they're useful and good guys because all the toxics over there hate them, but the rest of them can hang as far as I'm concerned. As we purge, we rebuild. As we rebuild, we prepare to project power. We prepare to project power. The Imperium has three blood enemies from this war. We have 103 blood enemies on a list, but of the perpetrators of Pappy, three alliances stand above and beyond the rest in terms of what they have done in their responsibility and our desire to hold them accountable. Horde, Test, and Brave. Horde, Test, and Brave put in the vast majority of effort. Now Test is dying right now. They put all their shit in Delve because they're a bunch of fucking idiots and we're blowing it up. Test isn't even in Outer Passage yet because they can't even make it that way up the chain because parts of the chain have been Sino-jammed and they haven't un-Sino-jammed them yet because they don't control those Sino-jammers because they fucked it all up. We will continue to make their evacuation as painful as possible. The Great Route and the Purge, that is our focus. But what are we going to do about Horde, Brave, and Test? Well, we're going to take everything that Horde, excuse me, that Test put down so they can run to Outer Passage eventually and put some things down. But right now, Test is now. And I love the fact that there are puppies everywhere insisting that Test is not now. I love the fact that there are puppies everywhere going, "I'm a good puppy, but gee, you goons are not really doing anything. You should really go to Outer Passage soon because you said that Test is next, in my opinion, as a random puppy matters. And I say you said you were going to do something and you didn't do it on my calendar, so goons are dumb." That's great. I want to see more denial from the pubs. I want these fucking stunned carp to be out there bleating that there was nothing wrong and that goons are contained and everything is fine and that Test is not now and that goons haven't done anything to Test because the more that they lie to themselves, that gives us more time to twist the fucking knife. Their denial is to our advantage. We should encourage it. Delve is safe. Delve is safe. But I want to talk about Insurgent Squad very specifically, and I want to talk about the Black Hand. Elfboy believes that he can offer a couch to Test. Elfboy believes that he can offer a couch to Brave. Elfboy believes that there will be no consequences. I want to speak specifically to the heroes in Insurgent Squad. We don't talk about Insurgent Squad that often here because during the course of this war, there have been few entities that have done as much damage to Pandemic Horde and the rest of Pappy than Insurgent Squad. The possible exception being what we did to them with Main Fleet in M2. The damage that the Insurgent Squad has done to Horde measures literally in the trillions. That's confirmed. That is not a fucking piece of hyperbole. They have done trillions of isk worth of damage to Horde. I have been inspired by the creative rat fucking that the heroes in Insurgent Squad have been doing to Horde. Now why am I talking about this now? Insurgent Squad now is because Elfboy thinks that he can go hide in his fuck hollow tree and set Brave up in Gemini. Elfboy thinks he can go and hide in his hollow fucking tree and set Test up in Outer Passage. Now it would be difficult for us to immediately deploy our Titan Fleets to burn them down. That would be a logistical challenge, especially because we have to look to our own space. But I tell you this, this is not a period of peacetime for us. War continues. We are becoming the crisis. And as part of that, I'm explicitly telling the entire galaxy about the heroic actions that Insurgent Squad have been doing from within Horde. And I want more. I want to double the amount of people who are in Insurgent Squad. I want more sabotage. I want more carnage. I want more knife twisting. If Elfboy thinks he is going to run across the galaxy and hide in his hollow tree, we will fill his fucking hollow tree with napalm. If he thinks that Pandemic Horde is going to be like a McDonald's franchise that anybody can join, we're going to make sure that somebody took a dump in the violator. Fuck 'em. They cannot escape our wrath. If they run from our Titan Fleets, we will simply send our saboteurs in the front door. And I'm saying this openly. I'm saying this openly because I want all of the neighbors of Pandemic Horde to know. Everyone who is allies with Elfboy, I want you to know that we will be hunting your Titans. We will be hunting your supercarriers. We will be ruining your markets. We will be shitting in your friolator. And we're going to be doing it from within Horde. So all these dumb motherfuckers think that they can just go back to normal and it's going to be fine. More insurgent squad, more black hand agents. There has never been a better time to infiltrate Brave, to infiltrate Tess, to get inside of Pandemic Horde and burn everything down from the inside. Fuck these people. Our purpose is to continually deliver negative expected value, Elfboy and all of his fucking allies, period. That will continue. War continues. The knife twist continues. No fucking mercy. None. No good pappies. No escape from consequence. I have a few pieces of business after all the herf blerf and we're going to go through that and then I'm going to shut up because I want you guys back to killing. Many of you have engaged in completely heroic efforts. Completely heroic efforts. We have all been busting ass this entire war. That must continue. I will do a better job of giving specific shoutouts as we go further into this, but right now we have a shitload of work to do. The coordination team has managed a completely superhuman just purge task. Dealing with 300 plus timers on a region commander 2 and making sure that actually steel gets on target. Lining things up in such a way that the timers that are scheduled for destruction don't time out. Keeping things vulnerable. Just lining it up. It reminds me of Burnjita, but at a regional scale, at a galactic scale. I love it. People like Mon Shah, who have from a recon perspective, scanned and re-scanned and made sure. The recon guys to make sure that everything does not un-anchor. Making sure that everything that can be reinforced is reinforced. Make sure that everything dies. Dudes like Mon Shah. All made that happen. But there's more. And I want you to understand that as we do this fireside, there is going to be a list of heroes. I've got so many fucking gold stars to hand you guys, but right now the time for gold stars can wait because I need you to twist the fucking knife. As you guys know, as we purge the cores and some of the leavings are getting managed by GSOL, all that is going to the alliance so that we can rebuild. We need to take these cores, we need to take the stuff and then transform that into new cool things for you guys. We are going to get Delve up and running really fucking fast here and it's going to be done in a regulated way. In an optimized way because the Awakened Empire become the crisis thing is no joke. We are the crisis and we're going to keep leaning into that and we're just going to see where this thing goes. It'll be fun. It'll be fun. Checking another channel. I can't stop laughing. Insurgent Squad is literally looting this fleet. I love it. I love it. I can't wait to tell you guys all the things that Insurgent Squad has been up to. They are true heroes and I want more of them. I want you guys to know that if I could pin a medal individually on each of your chests, I'd fucking do it right now. We need more. We need more saboteurs inside of the Elfboy fucking McDonald's. Fuck these people. If they want to be allies with Horde, they will have to suffer the fucking consequences. I think I've told, let's see, we said, oh, I've announced this before, but I want to make sure as part of the great revolt and stuff, I've banned renting across the Imperium. The Imperium will no longer rent. We are not in the landlord business. That is a coalition rule and it's fundamental to our rebuild. The enemy are landlords. We are not fuck all blue donuts forever. Fuck all good pappies. That's a good question about rental scams. If we are banning renting, then, uh, I'll have to, let me, let me check. I don't see a reason why we couldn't, but I want to check with Morana before I uproot a policy and then piss a bunch of people off. But I don't really see why we would possibly need to, uh, like if we're not renting, I don't see why we should. All right. I need you guys to get back to the purge. I'm going to cut off the fucking questions. I'm going to cut off everything and making fun of them. I need you to get back out there in their purge fleets. We've got 1300 people here and I need to have all of you asses and chairs and fleets shooting these guys. Get the fuck back out there. Stop listening to me. Go fuck and twist the knife. No fucking mercy. No mercy. Everything dies. Get back to work.